Tonight is new year’s eve and I don’t have any plans to spend the rest of my time in Singapore. I offered Kenzie who happened to be in Singapore with me to spend new year’s eve together there.
It happened cause my senior doctor recommended me to come to the conference there. And what a coincidence that Kenzie has to be here as a journalist to report big news too.
So, here I am. Parked my car not far from the building where Kenzie was and waited for her to come out. Then out of nowhere, David suddenly called me and we talked for almost an hour — the longest call that I’ve ever had with him.
“Oh, god. Don’t be ridicolous, Noah. Lo berdua tuh beneran bikin gregetan banget.” I could heard David’s sigh over the phone. “You know that you got the feelings, but what’s the problem now?”
“I just..” my words choked. So, I took a deep breath and said, “I just scared of a thing, Dave.”
I could hear he let a long deep sigh from there. “Oh my gosh! Okay, now tell me about the thing that you scared of? Perhaps, I can help you out.”
I laughed a little, cause I know that nobody gonna help me out from that huge hole, except myself. “Hahaha, I appreciate it. But, nobody couldn’t do that, bro.”
“Dude?”
I sighed quitely as I lean my head againist the seat behind me, blank stare over my car’s dashboard. “Okay, here you’re when the thing about falling in love with your friend is come. I just afraid when I lose them both, my friend and the girl that I loved. I don’t think I’m capable to be okay when that happens with Kenzie, that actually my friend and neighbour.”
“Dude, listen to me. If I were you, I’ll take the risk. No matter what the result could be. Believe me, it’s better to shoot it out than you never to shoot it out, man. This chance never comes twice. Or you’ll regret it for the rest of your life. Questioning about it while you getting old.”
That man could being wise even he has been annoying all this time. But, I admit it. David was right. I often thought about it, million times. What if I miss the chance and when I lost it, wondering what would happened if I had taken the chance first?
“Noah, are you still there?”
David voice was brought me to the reality again. My eyes suddenly caught up Kenzie is out of the building and she bidding goodbye to her friend for the last time. Then, I could see her walking to me excitedly by waving her hands.
“Kenzie is coming here. Talk to you later, Dave.” I immediately turned off the phone although I could hear David nagging me before I actually hung up.
But, whatever. Kenzie walks up to me with a bright smile on her face. I smiled back at her, even though I didn’t know whether she saw it or not.
Right when Kenzie knocking on my car’s window, I quickly unlock the door and let herself in. “Hey, am I late?” She asked while she took off the name tag and put it in her bag.
“Gak kok,” I replied. So, I held myself with hands ready on the steering wheel. “Where do we wanna go?”
“Marina Bay! I heard from my friends that place is very pretty on new year’s eve,” she said excitedly. I guess I know the reason why is she excited when she walked up to me.
“Alright,” I say as I begin to start engine and forward the car.
“I’m glad that I still have a friends here. So, I’m not worried when I work at my holiday.”
“So, am I,” I says as I turn the steering wheel to the right according the navigation directions.
“By the way, Noah.” My eyes glance at her for a moment before I focosing my sight at the road again. “Tadi ada yang nawarin aku dinner bareng. His name is Shaka, a guy from another news department. And.. I refused it.”
I open my mouth hesitantly, however in the end a voice came out because of my curiosity. “Why?” I asked as I park my car at the parking slot.
“Because I had you tonight. You come to me first and you offered me to spend this new year’s eve together,” she answered it without any doubt.
“Right, because I always be your number one.”
“Well.. whatever you say, sih,” she says in disbelief while she rolled her eyes.
I laughed a little even my thoughts landed to that hole. Maybe for now, we can be together, but it just for a while. Yes, there’s nothing last forever.
People are selfish. They never felt satisfied with what they have now. They wanna more than that. So, is it alright when I cross the line?
That strange feeling come to me again, but its must be more stronger than before. I wanna to have her in a clearly label, I don’t wanna see her when she with another guy except me again. Enough for that Yohan moment.
“Hey, Zie.”
After a long debate with myself, I decide there’s no better time to carry on with my chance other than now. I’m too scared to lose that chance, anymore.
Kenzie didn’t answer to me, she only turned her head to mine and wait for me to continue as she took off the seat belt on her. “I’ll be frank with you.”
I could see her titling her head, waiting me to continue my own sentences. “I like you, Zie. I really do. And its not the way a friend likes their friends. Cause, I really do see you in different light — ”
“Noah, jangan, ya?” Its makes my heart stop after beating so fast a second ago.
I turned my head away and land my eyes on anywhere but her. “Zie, I’m sorry if it could makes you uncomfortable and I demand nothing of you, termasuk what’s the answer is. I just wanna to tell you, no matter what. Because I don’t think I’m ready to bear the regret if I miss the chance, if I lost you. And now, I know, at least I’ve tried.”
Right after I said it loud, I could hear the sound of my door unlocking. I let out a long deep sigh as she close the door immediately. So, I took off my seatbelt and get out from the car.
When I saw Kenzie in the outside. She was hunkered down with hands are covering her face, her hair fell down so her face couldn’t be seen. And I hate seeing her like this.
“Zie, come on, it’s cold. Kamu jangan disitu,” I said as drapped my suit over her shoulders and guide her to sit in the front car.
“Noah — ”
“We don’t have to talk about it, Zie.” I looked to her eyes and smiled at her. “Just wait for me, I’ll buy coffee for us. I hope the fireworks would wait for me too,” I says as I looked up to the clear night sky.
She chuckled sheepisly. Thanks God because I’m didn’t make the atmosphere between us awkward.
So, I walked not far from the parking slot and buy a coffee latte for Kenzie and a hot americano for me. It only took 15 minutes to get back there.
“Here for you,” I said as I gave you the cup of coffee latte before I sat next to her.
Kenzie sipped her coffee while I do the same after her. “Noah,” she called out my name.
Now, is it the time for us to talk about it?
“I’m sorry about what I did before, I didn’t mean to — ”
“Hey, it’s fine. It’s all your choice,” I tried to calmed her down.
Kenzie lowered her head while playing the coffee cup in her hand. “How about Kayisa? You didn’t play her, did you?”
“No, I’ve never done that. Only an asshole could do that shit. Kayisa told me first to reach out to you, before she left Indonesia. But, I still need a more time to convince myself and yeah, here I am. I’m too coward, right?” I said, followed with a little laugh at the end.
She raised her gaze, staring at the river that reflecting light from those tall buildings around us. I still keep my eyes on her. Her hair blown away by the evening breeze and the dim light illuminating her face.
We stay like that, letting the silence surrounding us. I glanced at my watch, then looked up to the sky. We only have ten minutes before our last day of this year really ends.
“I was too confused when I heard you frank to me,” she suddenly open her mouth, saying something. “Because, last time that you go to Jogja because of your assignment with Kayisa, I felt something too, Noah. I felt something that I missed, I felt too lonely even though I’ve a lot of friends around me, except you. I missed your presence, probably.
Gisella was right, friends between a boy and a girl is just a bullshit. But, I choose to ignore that feeling inside me and hoping it’ll dissapear as soon if I trying to distract my mind. I convince myself it only happened cause I just like my friend for a second. But, I’m still thinking about you. It’s not worked it out. It’s funny how we could feel the same but we just afraid to admit it was there.”
“True, having a feeling with your friend feels like you have a sins that you have to rid off. Even though, deep down we know that is not our fault to fall.”
We sighed at the same time and somehow it made us laugh. Just how we could do that together without any prior plan.
“So, why are we here? At the parking slot, are you sure about this, uh?” She asked me as she looked around the parking slot.
“Cause there’s only two of us and the stars here,” I replied, trying to be dramatic as I could.
Kenzie pushed my shoulder lightly all of sudden, habit that she used to do when she was annoyed with me. “Did you just flirting on me, Noah?”
“I did,” I chuckled after answering her.
I smiled faintly when our eyes met. A spark of fireworks flashed in Kenzie’s eyes. I looked up to the sky, there’s a lot of fireworks up there and at that moment I knew that our new year had come. The only hope that I say loud in my heart is ‘hope we can stay together and enjoy the time like now again’.
“Noah.”
I turned my head over her. She smiled at me. I guess she was more prettier under the dim light, though. Her eyes reflecting the fireworks so beautifully. Did I too deep falling in love with her?
“Don’t you wanna try to be together with me?”
Sometimes the childhood photos that you see will disappear as you grow up, but no, some people stay with them. They went through it all together saying that they would be friends forever.
Nevertheless, nothing lasts forever. In the end, we might not be able to be together if we don’t take the chance and risk of it. We never know what will happen if we don’t try it.
This is us. Unconsciously, that seed grows and we dodge it. But when it all comes to the surface, we realized it. Now, I feel my first love live forever in our memory.
